The CracKing Diaries
by LucelovesRach
Summary: Michael's Point of Veiw during the first Princess Diaries book. Enough said. Please R&R. Finished YAY!
1. I am so dead

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**Disclaimer: The princess diaries is not mine and none of the characters are mine with the exception of Lauren Hill (Michael's friend),Beth Adler, and Jennifer Egnazt so please don't sue me. Not that you would even get that much seeing as I am just a poor teen with a ten dollar allowance each week.  
  
An: I am trying to the best of my abilities to make this try and sound like Michael but I am not a 16 year old teenage boy so please bear with me. Also R&R because that is the only way I will update. :)  
  
Summary: Michael's POV during the first book enough said.   
**

Ch.1 (I am so dead)  
  
_7:54 pm Tuesday, September 23 home  
_  
Oh God I'm DEAD. And I mean really DEAD. Not meant literally of course, but I might as well be. I am soo stupid why don't they teach these types of things in school, how not to fall in love with your little sisters' best friend, but no instead the teach you useless things, like about the quadratic formula or grammar. Which are two things that are kind of important I guess now that I think about it. I must sound kind of like a physco right now don't I? I guess I should explain why I am sooooooo dead.  
I have just figured out that I am in love. I bet you're thinking (If you could think, you're an online journal) Great! About time he found a life. Well this isn't great, in fact it is the worst thing in the world.  
Want to know why? Because I'm in love with my little sisters' best friend. Yep I couldn't even find someone my own age. I am that pathetic. Amelia "Mia" Thermopolis is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, prettiest (even if she doesn't think so), most caring _freshman_ in the world. Freshman that's right _freshman_ I'm a senior three years older than her.  
I know that doesn't sound that bad, but I've had a crush on her since I was in 5th grade. I was eleven and she was nine. At one time I was a freshman in highschool and she was in 6th grade. And she probably only thinks of me as her best friends' nerdy older brother.  
You will also probably wonder why all of a sudden I am so dead if I've apparently been in love with Mia since the 5th grade. Well I just figured out _how_ in love I was. I have just discovered that there is no chance in Hell that Mia will ever return my feelings because she loves Josh Ritcher. _I hate him so much_. He is class president, valedictorian, on the basketball team, and has stolen the hearts of _every single freakin' girl_ in the whole school, including poor innocent Mia.  
I am so pathetic it's not even funny.  
  
_G&T, Wednesday, September 24_  
  
Mia seems worried about something. I wonder what. Wait, did I just hear something about Mr. Gianini. Why would Mia and Lilly be talking about their algebra teacher? Oh right, probably talking about Mia failing Algebra again. Not that Mia fails a lot of subjects, I don't think, but she isn't very good in algebra. Maybe I should offer to tutor her. That would defiantly fall in the nice category. I mean I'm pretty good at algebra. I better work on _Crackhead_.  
  
_10:48pm Thursday, September 25 home_  
  
Today was pretty boring, I talked to Lauren Hill my friend since the 2nd grade, and she thinks I should totally do it. Tutor Mia in Algebra I mean.  
But, then again Lauren and I don't always agree. I mean _she _thinks it is _so_ great that I like Mia. She used to say that she always had a feeling that Mia liked me. But I noticed Lauren stopped saying that when she saw Mia staring at Josh Ritcher and Lana Weinberger sucking face with this look -Mia was looking at Josh and Lana I mean- that purely said that she wished she was Lana.  
Lauren also said that I should have told Mia my feelings a long time ago, because it is very unhealthy to keep all of this bottled up. But she shut up very quickly, I noticed, when I reminded her about her liking Felix since 10th grade, and her never confessing anything.  
Anyway, Mia came over after school today, and while I was getting something to eat, my mom and dad started to analyze Mia. "Would you girls like a Snapple? There is a very interesting squid documentary on the discovery channel. And by the way, Mia, how do you feel about your mother starting to date your algebra teacher?"  
As I heard this I was totally and completely shocked. But, now it had all started to piece together. Mia and Lilly talking about Mr. G so much, and Mia seeming a little worried lately. I was actually a little relieved, because for a minuet there, I had thought maybe Mia had the hots for Mr. G. Which goes to show you I am not only obsessed, but paranoid too. Nice combination.  
Because I was so relieved I started to laugh. Not very quietly either. "_Your mom_ is dating Frank Gianini! HA HA HA!"  
After that Mia started begging me not to tell anyone about her mom and Mr. G (Even if I wanted to tell anyone the only person I would tell would be Lauren, maybe Felix). And then I kept asked her, "What'll you do for me, huh, Thermopolis? What'll you do for me?" Not meaning anything inappropriate, of course (sarcasm). But, just my luck Mia didn't get it, because she kept offering to walk my dog Pavlov or do my other chores. I admit I got a little mad and said in a disgusted voice,"Just forget it okay Thermopolis." And I retreated back into my room, where I have been ever since.**So that was Ch. 1 and if you want me to post up Ch.2 then you have to press the button on the left hand side of the screen. I hoped I sounded at least a little like Michael because I have just figured out it is very hard to make him sound like a teenage guy when the author isn't a teenage guy. But thanks for reading anyway. **


	2. Fighting

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue me.  
  
Sorry for taking so long to update but this chapter is much longer than the other chapter and it is hard to keep the book up to copy it. Thank you all so much for reviewing my story. I LOVE you all (Not really but I'm very thankful). And to those of you that didn't review I can forgive you... someday. It'll just take some time. And if you want me to update then I will need to get at least 5 reviews, sorry, but I need to feel like I'm writing for someone besides myself (not that that's not fun). Anyway please read on.**   
  
**_Ch. 2 The fight_**  
  
_**2:56am Sunday, September 28, home  
**_  
Today was another boring day. I mean, yesterday was another boring day. Lily and Mia were gone all day, shooting an episode for Lilly's public access show _Lilly tells it like it is_.  
  
At like 2:00 I went to _Number one noodle Son_ with Felix, and you'll never guess who we saw there. _Lauren_. But Lauren wasn't alone, oh no she was on a date. With some guy that's in our French class. But don't think I'm jealous, because I'm totally not. I only think of Lauren as a friend, but you should have seen Felix.  
  
He dragged me over there and acted like he didn't mean to break up the date, and then practically invited himself to sit with them. I had no choice, but to go with him, and I try to stop him from acting like a total idiot, but even I (who is supposedly this genius) couldn't stop him. He was a jerk to Derrick, (yea I think that's his name) and kept embarrassing Lauren.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like forever Derrick told Lauren he had to go. And Felix had this look of triumph on his face.  
  
But it completely vanished when Derrick leaned in and gave Lauren a french kiss. Which I totally DID NOT need to see by the way, because I think of Lauren as a sister that I actually get along with.  
  
Anyway after Derrick left Lauren and Felix got in this huge fight and Lauren stormed out. So now my two best friends are fighting. And after Lauren left Felix was all "What's _her_ problem." Oh god I hate my life.  
  
**_G&T Monday, September 29  
_**  
Well, Lauren and Felix are still not talking to each other, which is really annoying because they are both using me to transfer messages to each other.  
  
"Michael, will you please tell your _friend_, that I totally did not appreciate him ruining my date with Derrick."  
  
"Michael, will you please mention to Lauren that I wasn't trying to ruin the date, but I simply wanted to talk, and that if we were supposedly as good of friends as she is making us out to be then she should have told us about the date."  
  
"Oh, will you please just let that go! You never told Michael and me about Maria, Alice, Julie, Lana, Marie, Claire, Judith, or any other of those blonde bimbo's that _you_ dated!"  
  
"One, Judith Gersher was not blond, and neither was Maria she's from Mexico. Two, I mentioned that I was going out with each and every one of those girls before we actually went out. Three, it's none of your business who I go out with anyway!"  
  
"Saying, I'm sorry guys, I can't go with you because I have a family emergency, is not telling us shit, and _you_ are the one who ruined my date in the first place!!!!"  
  
"You're just _never_ gonna let that go are you?"  
  
After that Lauren stormed out of the cafeteria and I was left with Felix, again. Funny how this keeps happening isn' it? I wonder if Mia ever has this trouble with Lilly?  
  
**_French Tuesday, September 30_**  
  
Well, they still haven't forgiven each other, and Lauren has been telling me all these things about Felix all day.  
  
Luckily, today we don't have to stay with our partners so I am sitting with Paul, this really tall guy, while Lauren is partnered with Derrick.  
  
I can tell that she is still talking about Felix from here. And she says _I'm_ obsessed.  
  
**_G&T Wednesday, October 1_**  
  
I had to deal with another day with Lauren and Felix fighting. And I think Lauren and Derrick broke up, because today in French, she kept shooting him dirty looks (We had to stay with our partners today).  
  
Mrs. Hill is in here today because they're shampooing the carpet in the teachers lounge so Mia and Lilly are passing notes. I wish I knew what it said.  
  
Oh shit, I just say Boris's name on the paper. BORIS PELKOWSKI! Maybe Mia has a thing for musical geniuses.  
  
I taught myself how to play guitar. I'm even writing a song. It's called _Tall Drink of Water_.  
  
It's about a very tall pretty girl, and this guy who is in love with her but doesn't want to tell her. Hmm, sounds familiar doesn't it?  
  
I am so pathetic.  
  
**_Homeroom Friday, October 3_**  
  
Mia looks really sick today. Like she swallowed a sock.  
  
I heard Lilly say that to Mia once. I think it's because of this one time, when Mia's cat, Fat Louie swallowed a sock and he had this weird look on his face.  
  
Anyway Lauren and Felix aren't fighting anymore, anyway that's what Lauren keeps saying. They are talking to each other, but not very nicely.  
  
Just a few brief words now and then. But at least They aren't yelling. Right?  
  
**_9:46 pm Friday, October 3_**  
  
Mia is spending the night. And Lauren just instant massaged me. Here's our conversation.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Hey!  
  
CracKing: What?  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Jesus, sorry to disturb you.  
  
CracKing: Sorry. Have you and Felix made up yet?  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Yes, remember we made up yesterday.  
  
CracKing: You guys did not make up. You only said that to make me shut up.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: We did to make up, and we have both promised to stop butting into each others lives.  
  
CracKing: Yea, whatever you say.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Look, I'm bored want to go to Number One Noodle Son?  
  
CracKing: Sorry, I can't, something very important is going on over here.  
  
That was not a total and complete lie, something important was going on here. Lilly and Mia are in the next room, and I had been planning on walking in there shirtless, and maybe pretending to be interested in watching what they were watching. I can hear the tv from here.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: What?  
  
I guess I took too long to answer because Lauren said next  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Ohhh. I get it, is Mia there? You should go talk to her, here's your chance. Go.  
  
CracKing: Mia isn't here, what would give you that idea?  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Oh come on Michael, you never were a good liar even online. Go, just make conversation.  
  
CracKing: Lilly and Mia are watching a movie, I don't want to disturb them.  
  
HolaAmigo2600:Michael, just pretend you need something, and then stay in, pretend you like the movie. That's all I'm asking.  
  
CracKing: No thanks.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: GO!  
  
CracKing: Fine. Fine. I'll instant message you when I'm back.  
  
HolaAmigo2600: Okay. I'll be here.  
  
Okay, fine I lied, I'm not going to talk to her. No, instead I'm going to stay in my room, and answer my fan mail. I get a lot of perverted one's.  
  
**_3:32 am Saturday morning, October 4  
_**  
I am so glad that I listened to Lauren. I am eternally grateful.  
  
I didn't listen to her right away. I answered some of my fanmail and then my computer froze so I had to reset it.  
  
Anyway, while I had it turned off the phone rang and I thought it was Lauren calling to ask why I had signed off but it wasn't it was Mr. Renaldo. Mia's dad. I had never spoken to him before and only knew a little about him because Mia seldom talks about him.  
  
**Me: Hello? Moscovitz residence?  
**  
**Mia's dad: Hello is Mia Thermopolis there? I need to speak to her.  
**  
**Me: Ummm.... Yea, Mia's here. Who is this?**  
  
**Mia's Dad: Mia's father. Please let me speak with her, I've been trying to get through for hours, but the phone line was busy so..  
  
Me (Kinda guiltily): Yea I'll get Mia right now.**  
  
So I went and found Lilly and Mia in mom and dad's bed with a huge vat of popcorn laughing.  
  
"Mia your dad's on the phone."  
  
She looked ready to throw up so I told her, "Okay, don't worry about it, Thermopolis. I'll tell him you and Lilly already went to bed"  
  
So I went out, and told her dad this and expected him not to buy it, but he did, and apologized for calling so late, (it was like eleven) and said he would speak to Mia in the morning.  
  
Anyway, I went and told Mia the good news, but she still looked about ready to throw up so I called Pavlov, and told him to get in bed with them. Then Pavlov started licking Mia's face (Man that dog is lucky), and I was about to leave when I remembered what Lauren had wrote, so I took a chance, and sat down to watch the movie with them.  
  
To my immense surprise Lilly didn't object, but in fact asked me this question. "Michael, who do you find more attractive, the blondes James Bond always needs to save, or the brunettes who are always pulling the gun on him?"  
  
I told them both that I couldn't resist a woman with a weapon, (which is true I mean my two favorite shows are _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ and _Xena: Warrior Princess_) which is maybe the reason why Mia asked me next, if I had to choose one life mate to repopulate the world, who would it be Xena or Buffy.  
  
First, I told Mia how weird she was for thinking up something like that, and then told her Buffy.  
  
Then that got us started on asking each other that question over and over again only with different people.  
  
Lilly asked Mia if she would choose George Clooney or Harrison Ford, and Mia choose Harrison Ford, even though he's kind of old. But even so the Harrison Ford from _Indiana Jones_ not _Star Wars_. And Lilly said Harrison Ford from those Tom Clancy movies, which I haven't seen yet.  
  
Then I asked more Mia than Lilly, if they had to choose, who would it be Leonardo DiCaprio or Harrison Ford, and they both choose Harrison because apparently Leonardo is so Passe.  
  
Then I went Harrison Ford or Josh Ritcher. Lilly choose Harrison Ford for some weird reason that I can't remember, because Mia said _Josh Ritcher_, she said because Josh was younger and he would live longest, and she would need help with the kids, but I knew it was because she is in love with him. Which means I totally don't have a chance. Right?  
  
Well, I got really jealous and started saying all this stuff a bout Josh. Like he would show cowardice in the face of a nuclear Armageddon (which is so true it's not even funny).  
  
But Lilly said that "fear of new things is not an accurate measure of one's potential for growth," (which I saw on a pamphlet on mom's desk in her office last week) and I said that Mia and Lilly were both idiots, if they thought Josh would ever notice them, because Josh only dated girls who put out (Lana Weinberger is a perfect example). Then Lilly said she would put out for Josh only if he would bath in antibacterial solution beforehand, and wear three condoms coated in spermicidal fluid during the act, in case one slipped and broke off. To which I have to say, thanks a lot Lilly, thanks a whole lot, I am now thinking about Josh Ritcher and my _baby sister_ having sex. That is _so_ disturbing.  
  
Then I asked Mia if I would put out for Josh, and she had to think. Then she made this list.  
  
1. We'd been dating for at least a year  
  
2. He'd pledged his undying love to me.  
  
3. He took me to see Beauty and the Beast and didn't make fun of it.  
  
I thought the first two were alright. but if Mia were to get a boyfriend who could do the third thing on the list (I definitely couldn't no matter how much I love Mia) then she would be a virgin for a long time. The only men who could see that show without projectile vomiting didn't have an ounce of testosterone.  
  
Then Lilly asked me Lana Weinberger or Mia, and I chose Mia kind of quickly, but I don't think they noticed. Then Lilly asked Madonna or Mia, and I chose Mia again kind of quickly, and I noticed Lilly smiling, so I chose Buffy over Mia so they wouldn't get too suspicious.  
  
And then Lilly asked Mia Josh Ritcher or me, and I expected Mia to say Josh Ritcher right away but she didn't she looked like she was really thinking it over, but before she could answer mom and dad came in and started yelling at us for having Pavlov in their bed and getting popcorn all over. Then Mia and Lilly went back to Lilly's room and I would bet anything that Lilly asked Mia who she would choose again. And maybe Mia said me. Hey, a guy can dream can't he? Even if it is about his little sisters best friend.

**That was ch.2 don't forget to reveiw it's not that hard all you have to do is press the little button on the left hand side of the screen**


	3. Lipstick and Pantyhose

**Disclaimer: The only things that are mine are Lauren, Jenny, and Beth and anything else that doesn't sound familiar. So don't sue.  
  
Okay. This is chapter three and once again thanks to all my loyal reviewers. Also, I'm really sorry if I take a long time to review it's just that my family seems to think that I'm addicted to the computer if I spend too much time on it so I have to limit it.  
  
Music-mylove: I guess the whole Lauren/Felix thing is kind of like Hermione/Ron I never really thought of it that way I guess, I too am a HP freak even though I'm not a Ron and Hermione shipper anyway on with the story.**  
  
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**_Ch. 3 Lipstick and Pantyhose_**  
  
**_3:45 p.m. Saturday, October 4_**  
  
Well, Mia's not here anymore, she left while I was at an astrophysics lecture at Columbia (my future college, I hope).  
  
When I came home, I found Lilly being analyzed by mom and dad about her need to taunt her sex-crazed stalker Norman.  
  
Norman (Lilly's very own stalker) is a foot fetishist. One time he chased Mia and Lilly around a park with twenty dollar bills begging them to take off their shoes. But I guess there was a bunch of undercover guys around the area, so they caught Norman and dragged him off to a mental ward. Personally, I don't see how anyone, even an obsessive compulsive with schizophrenic tendencies would ever want to stalk Lilly but whatever.  
  
Anyway after telling mom I was home, I went up to my room and have been answering fanmail ever since.  
  
**_Sometime in the night I'm too depressed to look, Saturday, October 4  
_**  
Remember this morning how happy I was, thinking that maybe just maybe, Mia chose me over Josh as her post nuclear Armageddon lifemate of chose. Well, all that happiness is gone. She chose Josh, Lilly just told me, I hate Josh Ritcher so much!!!  
  
I was just minding my own business and I went downstairs for a snack, and Lilly was there all in a bitchy mood. She started yelling at me and I asked her what was up her ass. Then she told me how she wanted to drive Norman over the edge, and how mom and dad had overheard, and are currently revoking their financial support, and now she can't have her show anymore (Big disappointment). She also said how mom and dad were violating her first amendment right to free speech.  
  
Anyway, I couldn't answer right away, because my mouth was full, so she got all pissed and said her face all scrunched up, "No wonder Mia chose Josh over you."  
  
I was confused at first because I had forgotten all about last night and she said as if I were dense, "Post nuclear lifemate of chose"  
  
"Oh," I said simply trying to act as if I didn't care.  
  
I started to walk out of the kitchen and she yelled after me, "Did I touch a nerve Michael?"  
  
"Go to hell Lilly!" Luckily at that moment the phone rang and it must have been one of Lilly's friends because she stayed on the phone for a long time after that.  
  
Is it really that obvious that I have a thing for Lilly's best friend? I wonder if Mia knows?  
  
Oh shit Mia just instant messaged me.  
  
_CracKing: What do you want, Thermopolis?  
_  
She Probably wants to rub it in my face that she chose Josh. Or she probably wants to talk to Lilly.  
  
_FtLouie: I want to talk to Lilly. Please go off-line, please. You can't hog all the lines of communication to yourself. It isn't fair._  
  
Man, I hate it when I'm right.  
  
_CracKing: No one ever said life was fair, Thermopolis._  
  
Which is very true and if life was fair then Mia would think of me as more than Lilly's nerdy older brother and Josh would be dead or would go to a school far far away from here.  
  
_What are you doing home, anyway? What's the matter? Dreamboy didn't call?_  
  
Okay that did sound a little cold I am really pissed off. I mean doesn't she know how big a jerk Josh is?  
  
_FtLouie: Who's Dreamboy?  
_  
Okay so know she was pretending like she didn't love Josh.  
  
_Cracking: You know, your postnuclear Armageddon lifemate of chose, Josh Ritcher. FtLouie: Will you please go off-line so I can call Lilly????_  
  
_CracKing: What's the matter, Thermopolis? Did I strike a nerve?_  
  
She logged off well now, she thinks I'm a jerk. Well I might as well be a nice jerk, I'll log off and tell Lilly that Mia's looking for her.  
  
**_English, Wednesday, October 8_**  
  
Lauren and Felix are being friendly with each other again. This is so great!!!  
  
**_G&T, Thursday, October 9_**  
  
Now I wish Lauren and Felix were fighting again, they keep laughing and whispering to each other what is up with that?  
  
**_Lunch, Friday, October 10_**  
  
Lauren's sick today. But the weird thing is that today in English (the class Lauren Felix and I all have together) Felix said he would take all of Laurens homework to her house after school. He has never done that before. I usually do it for Lauren, and Lauren does it for me, and I do it for Felix. What the hell is up with the world today? I don't think it could get any weirder than it is already.  
  
**_Sometime after school, Friday, October 10_**  
  
Well, I was wrong the world can and did get weirder today, much weirder. I'm still in shock I can barely type.  
  
I just ran into Mia laterally. I was coning out of the computer club meeting talking to Jennifer Egnazt and Kenny Showalter (two fellow members of a computer club) when suddenly, Mia ran right into me. But it wasn't the Mia I knew. This Mia was wearing lipstick.  
  
"Christ, Thermopolis" I said as Mia scrambled around trying to pick up all the things that she had dropped. Then I saw her. "What happened to you?"  
  
I guess she thought I meant why she was here so late on a Friday afternoon, because she answered, "You know I have to meet Mr. Gianini every day after school because I'm flunking Alge-"  
  
"I know that." I interrupted and I added holding up a lipstick that had fallen out of her backpack, "I mean what's with the war paint?"  
  
She snatched it out of my hand and said, "Nothing. Don't tell Lilly." Ha like I would ever tell Lilly anything.  
  
"Don't tell Lilly what?" Then Mia stood up and I noticed the pantyhose. "Jesus, Thermopolis. Where are you going?"  
  
"Nowhere." Mia lied. I could tell she was lying because her nostrils flared. Yep, how sad is that, I have noticed that whenever Mia lies her nostrils flare. I don't think even Lilly has noticed yet, and they've been best friends' sine kindergarten. I now noticed that Kenny and Judith Gershner were staring at Mia that must've been why she was so uncomfortable.  
  
"Nobody goes nowhere looking like that."  
  
Suddenly it dawned on me. Mia was probably going on a date. Probably with Josh Ritcher.  
  
"Thermopolis, are you going out on a date?"  
  
Mia looked completely shocked at the idea and she said, "What? No, I'm not going on a date! I'm going to meet my grandmother."  
  
I couldn't tell if her nose flared or not. So I said, "And do you usually wear lipstick and pantyhose to meet your grandmother?"  
  
Before she could answer we both heard some coughing, and Mia turned around and saw this big dude standing at the end of the hallway. "Look, don't tell Lilly, okay." And then she ran.  
  
So while I am sitting here in my room Mia is probably out with Josh having the time of her life.

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**Well that was ch. 3 thanks again all my loyal reveiwers. Sorry this chapter is so short but I wanted to finish it soon.**


	4. Saturday, October 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, everything belongs to the brilliant Meg Cabot, with the exception of Lauren, Isabelle, and Jenny. Please Don't sue.  
  
Authors Note: I am so sorry that I didn't update. And I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't have a chance, because I did, in fact I have had a lot of chances, it's just that I've been really lazy lately. I've also been toying with the idea of writing the next book from Michael's point of view, but I'm not sure yet. Anyway on with the story.  
**  
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**_12:22 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home_**  
  
Today could not get any weirder. I just called Lauren to see if she and Felix wanted to go to _Number One Noodle Son_ today, but her little sister answered and said that Lauren left like an hour ago.  
  
So then I asked Isabelle if she had gone alone, but she replied that no, she had gone with Felix.  
  
Let me tell you that Lauren and Felix never go anywhere alone, _ever_. The last time they went alone together without anyone's supervision we were all 13 years old. They ended up having this _huge_ fight about Ketchup (don't ask) and they wouldn't speak to each other for a month.  
  
I asked Isabelle if she was sure they had gone alone and she said she was sure. She also said that Lauren was all dressed up like she was going on a date.  
  
Lauren and Felix out on a _date_!? I don't believe it. At all. They _can't_ go on a date. No Isabelle must have made a mistake.  
  
**_12:29 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home  
  
_** I mean Isabelle _had _to have made a mistake. I mean she's 12. All 12 year olds make mistakes. Right?  
  
**_12:36 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home_**  
  
I mean Lauren and Felix have been my best friends since we were eight.  
  
We met her in the 3rd grade, when some kid was picking on Lauren, so we (Felix and I) stood up to him, and he (the bully) gave Felix a black eye and me a fat lip, and Lauren gave the kid two black eyes, a fat lip, and a kick in the nether region.  
  
So I would think that after all that that they would _at least_ be decent enough to tell me if they were dating or not. Right?

_**12:42 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home**_  
  
They _must_ be dating! I can't believe I never figured it out before today.  
  
I mean why else would they have been so nice to each other lately? Why else would Felix have boughten Lauren's homework to her on Friday? Why else would Felix have stopped dating every single girl he laid eyes on?  
  
And to think people call me a _genius_.  
  
_**12:53 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home  
**_  
Everyone is dating but me. I am the most pathetic person on the planet!  
  
Lauren and Felix, Josh and Mia, Jenny (a girl from computer club) and Caleb MacEntire (a guy from computer club), Judith Gershner and some other dude, this list could go on forever.  
  
And just a few minuets ago some _9th grader_ called for my little sister. His name was Boris Pelkowski and he is some Russian kid who wears his sweater tucked into his pants! And he always has food stuck in his braces! Even this kid has a girlfriend! Am I really that much of a nerd? I've never even been to second base yet and I'm about to be _17 years old_! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish someone would just shoot me and get it over with.  
  
**_3:12pm, still Saturday, still at home DATELESS  
_**  
Well at least I have some good news I just talked to Lilly and she said that Mia _doesn't _have a boyfriend. This is how the conversation went:  
  
_Me: Hey, Um Lilly is that guy that just called your boyfriend?  
  
Lilly: I don't think that's any of your business Michael.  
_  
She was deeply engrossed in some book.  
  
_Me: Of course it's my business I'm your big brother.  
  
Lilly: (suddenly looking up from her book)You have never before shown any slight interests in my love life before today, why are you suddenly so interested?  
  
Me: Because I love you and I don't want you to get hurt, favorite sister.  
  
Lilly: (laughing) Michael you are the world's worst liar.  
  
Me: (trying to keep a straight face)Why do you think I'm lying?  
  
Lilly: Because I'm your only sister.  
  
Me: So what? That doesn't mean you can't still be my favorite.  
  
Lilly: (looking back down on her book) Whatever, Michael. And for your information Boris and I are only friends.  
  
Me:(under my breath) Yea and I suppose Josh Ritcher and Mia are only friends  
  
_ I guess Lilly heard me because she was all  
  
_Lilly: Is this what this is about? Mia wishes she and Josh were dating.  
  
Me: (trying to hide my happiness) Oh they're not dating? I thought they were.  
  
Lilly: (getting angry for some reason) You're an idiot to think that- (here was when the doorbell rang so Lilly went to get it)  
_  
Anyway I am so happy. Mia and Josh _aren't _dating. Thank you _God!_  
  
**_3:45 p.m., Saturday, October 11, home_**  
  
_Wow_. That's all I have to say, _wow_. Why does the world keep getting _weirder _and _weirder_?  
  
Let me explain.  
  
I just saw Mia. I was eating some cereal when suddenly I heard some yelling that sounded like Lilly and Mia.  
  
So I'll admit it I took my shirt off, (Hey I can't help it. I have noticed that whenever I don't wear a shirt and Mia is there, she sort of stares and smiles. I am so glad I work out, anyway) and walked into the room just in time to hear Mia say, "Lily, _shut up_."  
  
I have never heard Mia use the word shut up before, because she is usually a very conservative person. Lilly must have said something really bitchy to make Mia say that.  
  
"Whoa" I said when I heard her, and then comes the weird part when I looked at Mia she looked all different.  
  
Mia is usually very tall (5'9) with this sort of blondish-brownish short hair that is in-between curly and straight, she bites her fingernails and, she has this really pretty smile and has these gray eyes that kind of pull you into then they are so gorgeous an- sorry got a little off topic there anyway, and she is really really pretty (even though she doesn't think so).  
  
Now Mia is, still really tall, and I'm am still totally in love with her, but now she sort of resembles Lana Weinberger. Now instead of having her blondish-brownish hair she just has plain blonde hair. And it's really short. All she has is bangs and a little hair in the back. She also has fake fingernails now. Fake. The Mia I know, would never wear fake fingernails. The Mia I know, would never die her hair blonde. That's what I love about her, she really doesn't care what other people think.  
  
Anyway, after Mia told Lilly to shut up, Lilly got her face all scrunched up like she does whenever she's really mad and said, "What? _What_ did you say to me?"  
  
"I'm tired of you putting me down all the time. All day long, my mom and dad and grandmother and teachers are telling me what to do. I don't need my _friends_ getting on my case, too."  
  
"Whoa." I said again I could not believe Mia just said that.  
  
"What is your _problem_?"  
  
So then Mia went, "You know what? I don't have a problem. _You're_ the one with the problem. You seem to have a big problem with me. Well, you know what? I'm going to solve your problem for you. I'm leaving. I never wanted to help you with your stupid Ho-Gate story anyway. The Hos are nice people. They haven't done anything wrong. I don't see why you have to pick on them."  
  
Them she opened the door and said dramatically, "And my hair is _not_ yellow."  
  
Then she slammed the door and left Lilly and I standing there stunned. It took a few seconds for me to take in all that had just happened, but when I recovered I was all, "_Well_?" You see I was expecting her to go and apologize to Mia, but I guess Lilly wasn't planning on doing that because she was all, "_Well _what?"  
  
"Aren't you going to apologize to your best friend?" I said acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"She is the one who is supposed to apologize to me! She is the one who went all physco! I didn't do anything!" Lilly yelled getting all worked up.  
  
"What did she do? Get her hair cut without consulting you? Do something without asking your permission first? What the hell Lilly? _Mia's the one_ in charge of her life, _not you_." I said coldly letting all my anger flush out onto her.  
  
Lilly glared at me, and then ran off. And now I feel guilty, I shouldn't have said that.  
  
But, she deserved it.  
  
Right?  
  
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**I know that was really short, because it was only one day, but I wanted to update before I felt too guilty, and I've already started on ch.5 so you'll get that soon. Thanks again to all my reviewers, and umm.... that's all.**


	5. Algebra Tutor

**Disclaimer: Not Mine. Don't sue.  
  
A/N: Hi this is the highly anticipated ch. 5. And in the last chapter I should have put taken instead of boughten, but I guess my spell check isn't doing its job LOL. Boughten is a word though just not the word I meant, sorry. Anyway, enough of that boring authors note on with the story . . .**  
  
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**_Ch.5 Algebra Tutor_**  
  
**_12:00 p.m., Sunday, October 12_**  
  
Man, Lilly and Mia are _still_ fighting. They've never had a fight last  
this long before.  
  
Mia must be really mad, because I half-expected her to call last night, and beg Lilly's forgiveness. And Lilly's been out doing stuff for her boycott all day.  
  
And I know she's still a little mad at me about yesterday, because she made pancakes for mom, dad, Maya, and herself and conveniently 'forgot' to make me some. But I don't really care. Lilly's pancakes taste sort of weird, like paper with maple syrup on them.  
  
But whatever, Lauren went to her grandmother's house and has been there all day so far she also apparently forgot to turn on her cell phone, so I haven't been able to ask her about the whole date thing. And I can't ask Felix because he's not home either.  
  
I think my two best friends are avoiding me, and secretly dating. And the girl with whom I am in love with will probably never speak to me again, because I'm her ex-best friend's older nerdy brother. And to make matters worse, Mia thinks the only reason that I'm nice to her is because Lilly threatened that if I wasn't she would then tell the whole school about this time she caught me crying during an old episode of 7th Heaven (which I wasn't doing by the way, I just had something in my eye and I suffer from allergies). And, I'm still feeling kind of guilty about the whole yelling at my little sisters' thing, and my parent's are all analyzing me because I guess I've been kind of moody lately, or 'showing sign's of repressed anxiety and anger'. And Judith Gershner might like me, but I don't know how to turn her down without making myself feel guilty about it later. And to top it all off, Mia likes the one guy I've hated since middle school.  
  
Why me? _Why_?  
  
**_5:43 p.m., Still Sunday  
_**  
Lauren just called. This is how the conversation went:  
  
_Me: Moscovitz residence?  
  
Lauren: Michael? Look, Isabelle told me you called, and I guess you'll be wanting an explanation-  
  
Me: Oh no, you don't need to explain. I figured it out on my own already. Did you forget I'm a genius? So how long have you and Felix been dating one week two weeks?  
_  
I said this kind of bitterly so I think she knew I was pissed, but she still had no idea how pissed  
  
_Lauren: Only since last Tuesday. And Michael, Felix and I were going to tell you as soon as we could, we just never got around to it._  
  
_Me: Oh, I forgive you completely. I mean you guys only had like five days to tell me! And it's not like we go to the exact same school, we eat at the same lunch period, and we all have the same FREAKIN' ENGLISH CLASS TOGETHER!!!!_  
  
I yelled the last part and Lauren said quietly  
  
_Lauren: Well you've always known I've liked Felix as more than a friend. And we wanted to tell you, we really did it's just that we had a feeling that when you found out you would act like this.  
  
Me: Act like what?_  
  
_Lauren: You know like this, I mean it's totally not a big deal, but you're blowing this way out of proportion.  
  
Michael: Oh am I?  
  
Lauren: Yes you are. I mean it's not like Felix and I are getting married it's just a high school relationship.  
_  
I regret this part of our conversation the most  
  
_Me: Yea your right. I mean Felix will probably dump you in a few days anyway.  
  
Lauren: Oh, right. You really think so huh?  
  
Me: Yea, I mean you're not even as pretty as most girls he dates.  
  
_ I totally did not mean that at all. It was just that I was so mad that I blurted it out. Because Lauren is pretty, she's very pretty.  
  
She is about 5'7 with shoulder length light brown hair. She has really brown eyes and usually wears contacts, that's she's had since the 7th grade. And could probably kick almost anyone's ass (that goes to AEHS). But she still is very sensitive, so I guess I deserved what she said next.  
  
_Lauren: Yea, I'm not as pretty. So um, Michael are you dating anyone? Have you told Mia how you feel lately? Have you stopped sulking around constantly, writing in your journal about how much you love a 14-year-old? Have you? If not then shut the hell up and leave me alone!!!_  
  
Then she hung up.  
  
Why is my life so complicated?  
  
_**6:04 p.m. Still Sunday, still home**_  
  
I tried calling Lauren back, but she won't come to the phone.  
  
Hey, Mia just logged on. Should I talk to her? I mean I've been thinking about what Lauren said she's right. I haven't told Mia how I feel. I'm gonna do it. Or I'll at least ask her about last night  
  
_CracKing: Hey, Thermopolis. What happened to you last night? It's like you went completely mental, or something._  
  
Maybe that wasn't the best choice of words.  
  
_FtLouie: For your information, I did not go mental. I just got tired of your sister always telling me what to do. Not that it's any of your business._  
  
_CracKing: What are you being so snotty about? Of course it's my business. I have to live with her, don't I?_  
  
This is too true. I've also had to hear her saying all this crap about Mia, ever since she came home from her boycotting trip four hours ago.  
  
_FtLouie: Why? Is she talking about me?  
  
CracKing: You could say that._  
  
Oh, I shouldn't have said that now she's going to ask what's she saying.  
  
_FtLouie: What's she saying?_  
  
Maybe if I don't tell her...  
  
_CracKing: I thought it wasn't any of my business.  
  
FtLouie: It isn't. What's she saying about me?_  
  
Okay. She's not going to let this go I should tell her.  
  
_CracKing: That she doesn't know what's with you these days, but ever since your dad came to visit you've been acting like a head case._  
  
There, maybe now we can talk about something besides my deranged sister.  
  
_FtLouie: Me? A head case? What about her? She's the one who's always criticizing me. I'm so sick of it!! If she wants to be my friend, why can't she accept me the way I am???_  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
_CracKing: No need to yell.  
  
FtLouie: I'm not yelling!!!  
_  
_CracKing: You're using excessive amounts of punctuation, and on-line, that's like yelling. Besides, she's not the only one criticizing. She says you won't support her boycott of Ho's Deli.  
_  
Am I backing up Lilly?  
  
_FtLouie: Well, she's right. I won't. It's stupid. Don't you think it's stupid?_  
  
Shit, I have to get her of the topic of Lilly. But how?  
  
_CracKing: Sure it's stupid. Are you still flunking algebra?_  
  
Damn. That was random. Now what do I do?  
  
_FtLouie: I guess so. But considering the fact that Mr.G slept over last night, I'll probably scape by with a D. Why?_  
  
_CracKing: What? Mr. G slept over? At your place? What was that like?  
_  
Now maybe she'll forget about me asking if she was flunking Algebra.  
  
_FtLouie: It was pretty awful. But then he kind of joked around, and made it okay. I don't know. I should probably be more mad, but my mom's so happy, it's hard._  
  
See why I love her?  
  
_CracKing: Your mom could do a lot worse that Mr.G. Imagine if she was going out with Mr. Stuart._  
There, good Moscovitz, lead the conversation away from Algebra.  
  
_FtLouie: Ha ha ha. Why'd you want to know whether or not I'm flunking Algebra?_  
  
Oh shit. Should I log off? No, Lauren (if she were to find out) would mock me for the rest of my life. Maybe I should do it, ask her if I can tutor her in Algebra, I mean. I have nothing to lose, right?  
  
_CracKing: Oh, because I'm done with this month's issue of Crackhead, and I thought if you wanted, I could tutor you during G&T. If you wanted._  
  
Smooth Moscovitz, very smooth.  
  
_FtLouie: Wow, that would be great! Thanks!  
  
CracKing: Don't mention it. Hang in there, Thermopolis._  
  
I'm going to sign off now. But isn't this great? Mia said yes! Now if only I could work up the nerve to ask Mia to the Cultural Diversity dance next week.  
  
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**That's ch.5. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Michael is sounding pretty girly isn't he? Well I can't help it, but anyway, I'm trying to finish this story before next Saturday, because I'm going to Viva Las Vegas for a week with my mom, and my 15-year-old niece, and maybe my aunt, and my bothers girlfriends' parents, and maybe my brother's girlfriend (that's going to be one crowed hotel won't it?). My brother can't go though. But anyway, I can't update there or even write anything, because I don't own a laptop (you can blame my mom for that) so like I said before, I'll try to finish this story soon. 'Till the next chapter, _Adios_.**

**Also do you guys think I should change the rating to PG-13? There's sort of a lot of cursing, but I don't know if there's enough to change the rating. Let me know please. **

**HolaAmigo**


	6. The Nutty Royale

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. None of The Princess Diaries is mine except for Lauren and anyone else that seems unfamiliar.  
  
Authors note: This chapter might suck because I'm kinda rushing but whatever. Oh and before I forget all of you guys should read 'To die for' by risethesettingstar. It is laterally the greatest fanfic's, I for one have ever read. Risethesettingstar is a really fantastic writer. But anyway guys please read that story (after you read and review mine of course). To die for is depressing though so be sure to read something happy after (coughmystorycough). Anyway on with The CracKing Diaries . . .**  
  
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**_Ch. 6 Nutty Royale_**  
  
_**Homeroom, Monday, October 13**_  
  
I'm going to tutor Mia today this _rocks_. I'm going to try and ask Lauren next period what I should say to her (Mia).  
  
_**French, Monday, October 13**_  
  
You know, I completely forgave Lauren and Felix for dating secretly and not telling me about it. I mean it took a while, but I still forgave _them_. But I guess that's not enough for Lauren. Now she won't talk to me in French _or_ English.  
  
And now our French teacher is giving us dirty looks, because I'm still trying to get Lauren to talk to me. Or even _look_ at me.  
  
Or she might be giving me a dirty looks, because I'm typing in this laptop. Yea, that could be it.  
  
**_Lunch, Monday, October 13  
_**  
Felix _finally_ got Lauren to forgive me after he talked to her during Chemistry. They wouldn't tell me what he had to do to finally convince her though.  
  
So I asked Lauren what she thought I should say to Mia and she was all, "just act like you normally do, no girl will be able to resist you when you act like yourself. Trust me." Which is so not going to work, I mean I've been acting like myself for years and _millions_ of girls have been able to resist me. And Lauren's a girl why would she alone be able to resist me, and go out with my best friend? When I tried to point this out to Lauren when Felix said, "and if that doesn't work try to touch her as much as possible."  
  
I think Judith heard the last part, because she just gave Felix and me a weird look.  
  
Mia just walked into the cafeteria. She just standing there with her salad, looking for a place to sit. I guess her and Lilly are _still _fighting.  
  
I just wanted to call Mia and invite her to sit with the rest of computer club and Felix, but Lauren as if she sensed what I was going to do was all, "Judith will have a cow."  
  
Did she really think I gave a shit about what Judith thought? I mean Felix sits with us everyday, and _he_ wasn't part of computer club. Of course it took about a year for Judith to finally stop throwing us dirty looks and complaining.  
  
But, I stopped because Mia would have found it kind of weird, to be sitting with her ex best friend's older brother for lunch I mean I know I would have. And Mia would then know how I felt about her. Of course she'll find out in G&T when I ask her to the dance. But I didn't want her to find out here right now in the _cafateria_.  
  
Oh well, Mia just sat with that girl who has a bodyguard follow her around all day. I would personally, _kill_ myself if I had a bodyguard follow me around all day.  
  
_**Still lunch, still Monday**_  
  
Wow. I am in love with the greatest 14-year-old _ever_.  
  
Mia just coned Lana Weinberger. Yep, Mia got an ice-cream cone, and stuffed it down Lana's chest. The cafeteria was dead quiet until Lana yelled, "You-you-"I guess she couldn't think of anything to call Mia. "You- you . . . Look what you've done to my sweater!"  
  
Then Mia was all, "Come on Tina," Tina is the girl with the bodyguard, "Let's go somewhere a little quieter." Then Mia, Tina, and Tina's bodyguard walked out.  
  
Then I started clapping, and Felix joined me, and soon the whole table was clapping. Next the druggies started clapping and then the foreign exchange table, and then the drama club. No one else dared to do anything. They just stood there staring at Lana.  
  
Lana though, soon lost it, and stormed out crying, and Josh followed her.  
  
Man, and to think a few days ago I thought Mia was _afraid _of confrontation. Man, was I _wrong_.  
  
_**English, Monday, October 13**_  
  
I didn't ask her. I couldn't do it. I was about to ask her, when some kid came with a hall pass. Mia got sent to the principal's office.  
  
I don't see what's so wrong with people stuffing ice-cream cones down cheerleaders uniforms, but whatever.  
  
We (me and Mia) were having a great time. Okay so it wasn't _great,_ I mean we were studying Algebra, but I was having fun.  
  
Though I must say even though Mia is perfect in _every other aspect_, she still sucks at Algebra. She has an organization problem as well. She writes her notes anywhere she can. And she has a problem concentrating.  
  
Though I'll admit I had a little trouble concentrating too, I mean, I was sitting next to _Mia_ _Thermopolis_, the girl who've I've loved since I was in like 5th grade. And I even took Felix's advice, and brushed my knee against hers.  
  
Also, whenever she did something wrong, I would take the pencil away from her and say, "No, like _this_, Mia."  
  
And then right when I was going to ask her, that stupid hall pass comes.  
  
I hate my life.  
  
_**Homeroom, Tuesday, October 14**_  
  
Lilly has a boyfriend. I just found out from Lauren, that that weird Boris kid asked Lilly to the dance. Even _Boris_ has more gut's than me. It wasn't hard for _him_ to ask out the love of his life.  
  
**_English, Tuesday, October 14_**  
  
I am the world's most pathetic human being. I really am.  
  
I really thought Mia maybe liked me, you know? That makes me the biggest moron on the planet.  
  
How could I ever think someone as wonderful as Mia could ever like _me_?  
  
I thought it was all going great.  
  
I complemented her on her coning Lana. Then I said it must be awkward with your locker right next to Josh's. She was like, "no because Lana was avoiding the area and Josh only said things like, "Can I get by here?"  
  
So then Mia asked me if Lilly was still saying mean things and I was surprised. I mean Lilly has never said any mean things about Mia. _Ever_. So I told her this and added, "She just doesn't understand why you blew up like that."  
  
Then Mia said, "Michael, she's always putting me down! I just couldn't take it anymore. I have too many problems without having friends who aren't supportive of me."  
  
_Ha_ she thinks _she_ has problems. I mean, _I'm_ in love with my little sisters ex-best friend. And she's is in love with Josh Ritcher, the one guy I've hated since forever. I am being analyzed constantly by my parents. And Judith Gershner _likes_ me. And those are just a few of my many problems.  
  
But, I guess Mia got all offended and said, "I am currently flunking Algebra, I have detention for a week, and I have recently woken up to find my Algebra teacher in my kitchen wearing boxer shorts!  
  
So I told her I guess she did have some problems.  
  
And then I did it. I asked Mia if she was grounded, and she said, while giving me this strange look, "You mean for getting detention? No, of course not. My mom is totally on my side. My dad wants to sue the school."  
  
"Oh. Well, I was wondering because, if you aren't busy Saturday, I thought maybe we could-"  
  
But then Mrs. Hill came in and interrupted me. But I was all happy because I thought, 'hey, no loss I can finish asking her after class.'  
  
Well, when the bell rang Mia ran out of the class as fast as she could. She probably knew what I was going to say, but didn't want to turn me down so she left before I got a chance to ask.  
  
I am _such a moron_ to ever think _Mia Thermopolis_ would go out with me, _Michael Moscovitz_.  
  
_**After school, still Tuesday**_  
  
I told Lauren and Felix what had happened, and they were very sympathetic. Lauren even invited me to come to the dance with her and Felix this Saturday.  
  
But I said no, I didn't want to be a third wheel. And plus, there is no way I was going to the dance alone.  
  
I mean I may be pathetic but even I'm not _that pathetic_.  
  
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Well that's chapter 6. Next chapter is when Michael finds out Mia's little secret. That should be very fun to write lol. Sorry if this chapter might have sounded not as great as the other chapters, but I was kind of rushing. Anyway, Adios 'till next chapter.**


	7. Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimmaldi The...

**Disclaimer: None of the Princess Diaries is mine.**

**A/N: Oh I am soo sorry for not updating. I Blame those Damn Music Video's that I've been watching over the past two days. If you haven't watched them then you should go to They have a whole bunch from (these are just a few of my faves) Harry Potter, Charmed, Xena: Warrior Princess, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some of these videos are real tear-jerkers though. Though I have noticed there are _no_ Princess Diaries ones which I think is morally wrong but whatever . . . Oh yea I came back from San Diego which is where we went instead of Las Vegas but it was still fun, and oh yea enough about me on with the story . . . **

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_**Ch. 7 Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo, Princess of Genovia**_

_**Sometime before Homeroom, Wednesday, October 15**_

****Holy Shit.

Holy fucking shit.

Oh man, am I in so much fucking trouble.

I just read the front page of the _Post_. And guess who was on it? Princess _Amelia_, New York's very own royal.

Mia was on the front page of the _New York Post_. And more importantly Mia's a fucking princess????? How long did she think she could hide this secret? I mean really?

More later. I'm still trying to take all this information in.

_**Homeroom, Wednesday, October 15**_

****I'm in love with the future ruler of Genovia.

I am in so much trouble.

But, you know this does explain a lot. I mean about the whole Mia acting crazy. She must have just found out when her father came to town. People have been coming up to me all day so far about the whole princess thing. Why the hell would I know anything? People are so idiotic sometimes.

I read the _New York Post closer _and found out that Mia's father has _three hundred million dollars_ of personal worth.

Wow...

_**Lunch, Wednesday, October 15**_

****Everyone including Kenny Showalter who is most of the time only interested in Anime is staring at Mia and her bodyguard. That's right _bodyguard_. Mia has a bodyguard now. He's the same guy who was waiting for Mia that one Friday afternoon when she was wearing all that make-up and ran into me. I would so hate to get on the wrong side of that guy.

Anyway I'm thinking of going to ask Mia about the whole princess thing during our review session.

I also have sort of good news. Lauren's friend Renee told her that she thinks that Mia might have not known about the whole me asking her out yesterday. I mean, maybe she thought I was going to ask her to study Algebra or something.

So after telling Lauren to stop telling everyone she knows, about my having a crush on a 14-year-old, I said that I didn't think that was possible that she could have not known that I was indeed asking her on a date and not asking for a study partner. Mia's not that oblivious is she?

But now that I thought about it I've realized that there might be a chance after all.

Right?

**_English, Wednesday, October 15_**

Well, I asked her and I made a complete fool of myself if I do say so myself. Here's the conversation . . .

_Mia: Hi Michael. I did all those problems you gave me. But I still don't see why you couldn't just look at the train schedule to find out what time a train traveling at 67 miles per hour will arrive in Fargo, North Dakota, if it leaves Salt Lake City at 7A.M._

So she was trying to ignore the fact that she was on the front page of the _Post_ this morning wasn't she?

_Me: So. Princess of Genovia, huh? Were you ever going to share that little bit of info with the group, or were we all supposed to guess?_

_Mia: I was kind of hoping no one would ever find out._

_Me: Well, that's obvious. I don't see why, though. It's not like it's a bad thing._

It certainly isn't I mean Mia's _rich._ That sounded a bit money hungry didn't it?

_Mia: Are you kidding me? Of course it's bad!_

She obviously doesn't know about the three hundred million.

_Me: Did you _read_ the article in today's _Post_, Thermopolis?_

_Mia: No way. I'm not going to read that trash. I don't know who this Carol Fernandez thinks she is, but-_

I never heard the rest because then my deranged sister interrupted.

_Lilly: So you're not aware that the crown prince of Genovia-namely, your father- has a total personal worth which, including real estate property and the palace's art collection_, _is estimated at over three hundred million dollars?_

God, I hate my sister.

_Mia: Um . . ._

_Lilly: I wonder how much of that fortune was amassed by taking advantage of the sweat of the common laborer._

That's when I started defending Mia.

_Me: Considering that the people of Genovia have traditionally never paid income or property taxes, I would say none of it. What is _with_ you, anyway, Lil?_

_Lilly: Well, if _you_ want to tolerate the excesses of the monarchy, you can be my guest, Michael. But I happen to think it's disgusting, with the world economy in the state it's in today, for anyone to have a total worth of three hundred million dollars. . . especially someone who never did a day's work for it!_

_Me (getting mad now): Pardon me, Lilly, but it's my understanding that Mia's father works extremely hard for his country. His father's historic pledge, after Mussolini's forces invaded in 1939, to exercise the rights of sovereignty in accordance with the political and economic interests of neighboring France in exchange for military and naval protection in the event of war might have tied the hands of a lesser politician, but Mia's father has managed to work around that agreement. His efforts have resulted in a nation that has the highest literacy rate in Europe, some of the best educational attainment rates, and the lowest infant mortality, inflation, and unemployment rates in the Western Hemisphere._

It _rocks_ being a genius. I also noticed that as I said this Mia was staring at me with her mouth slightly open.

_Lilly: (to me) Shut up. (To Mia) I see they already have you sprouting off their populist propaganda like a good little girl._

_Mia: Me? Michael's the one who-_

_Me: Aw, Lilly, you're just jealous._

_Lilly: I am not!_

_Me: Yes, you are. You're jealous because she got her hair cut without consulting you. You're jealous because you stopped talking to her and she went out and got herself a new friend. And you're jealous because all this time Mia's had this had this secret she didn't tell you._

_Lilly: Michael, SHUT UP!_

Boris: Lilly? Did you say something?

_Lilly: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU BORIS!_

_Boris: Sorry._

_Lilly (getting pissed): Gosh, Michael, you sure are quick to come to Mia's defense all of a sudden. I wonder if maybe it ever occurred to you that you're argument, while obscenely based on logic, might have less intellectual than _libidinous _roots._

I could feel myself turning red as I shot back.

_Me: Well, what about your persecution of the Hos? Is that rooted in intellectual reasoning? Or is it just an example of vanity run amok?_

_Lilly: That's a circular argument. _

_Michael: No it isn't. It's empirical._

_Me (trying to change the subject before Mia figures out what libidinous_ _means, or at least before she noticice her bodyguard laughing from behind his copy of _Being the Perfect Bodyguard: For Dummies)_: So does this guy have to follow you everywhere from now on?_

_Mia: Yes._

_Me: Really? _Everywhere?

_Mia: Everywhere except the ladies' room. Then he has to wait out side._

_Michael: What if you were to go on a date? Like to the Cultural Diversity Dance this weekend?_

Further proof that I'm a moron.

_Mia: That hasn't exactly been an issue, considering that no one's asked me._

_Boris: (whil leaning out of the supply closet) Excuse me. I accidently knocked over a bottle of rubber cement with my bow, and it's getting kind of hard to breath. Can I come out Now?_

_Everyone in G&T: NO!!!_

_Mrs. Hill (from the teacher's lounge) What's all that noise in here? We can hardly hear our-selves think in the teachers' lounge. Boris, why are you in the supply closet? Come out now. Everybody else, get back to work!_

Do you think that Mia will figure out what libidinous means? Her bodyguard knows. He tried to talk to me after the bell rang but I avoided hin. I HATE MY SISTER!

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_**A/N: Thanks for all the reveiws. I still can't belive 70 people have reveiwed my story (sigh).**_


	8. Missed Chance

**Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

**A/N: I updated quicker than I normally do because obviously I don't want to be killed by an army of guinea pig armed with wet noodles. So now you all know a trick to make me update quicker threaten me with furry little animals. (I'm really scared of rats by the way) ; ) Anyway this is the second to last chapter (I think) hope you enjoy it . . . **

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_**Ch. 8 Missed Chance**_

_**Homeroom, Thursday, October 16**_

****There are reporters _everywhere_. All trying to interview _New York's very own royal_. What if I wanted to have a conversation with Mia? I would have to find some way to get through all those reporters.

Too bad I would get expelled if I brought a weapon to school.

_**English, Thursday, October 16**_

****Mia was distracted in G&T today. When I asked her what was up, she blushed and said "Nothing."

After another twenty minuets of trying to help Mia I gave up, and told her that I needed to work on _Crackhead._

So she spent the rest of the period writing in a little book, which I strongly suspect is her journal. That's something that we have in common right?

So if I wanted to start a conversation with her I could go up and ask, "So, Mia what have you been writing in your journal lately?"

No wait, maybe that's a bad idea.

_**6:34pm, subway coming home from Felix's, Still Thursday**_

****That's it.

I can't take it anymore. I'm going to ask Mia to the dance again. Maybe Renee was right about the whole Mia might have not known I was asking her out.

So it's decided then. I'm asking her. Who cares if she turns me down anyway, right?

Besides me?

I decided that it was worth the risk after seeing Felix and Lauren together. They truly care for each other. Yesterday on Lauren's birthday, Felix skipped his Chemistry class to go and buy her some cold sesame noodles for her.

_I_ want to be doing that for someone some day. Hopefully that someone will be Mia. But, then again probably not.

I'm still asking her though and nothing will stop me.

_**Homeroom, Friday, October 17**_

I'm doing it in G&T.

And by 'it' I mean ask Mia to the dance.

I'm so nervous I can barely type.

_**G&T, Friday, October 17**_

****I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does everything have to happen to me? I mean I get good grades. I've been accepted to every collage I've applies to and I do my best not to kill my sister.

It's not my fault I'm in love with Mia. I mean if I could chose, I most definitely wouldn't have chosen to love the 14-year-old, gorgeous, future ruler of Genovia, that is apparently in love with Josh Ritcher, girl that I do.

No, if it was up to me I would have been in love with a nice, _16-_year-old computer club, non-princess, girl that loves me back.

But, it isn't up to me. I'm doomed to be in love with the one girl who is going to the Cultural Diversity Dance with . . . (drum roll please) _Josh Ritcher. _He asked her before I even got a chance to.

But there is one upside I guess. Lars (Mia's bodyguard) is going. Josh can't go anywhere when Lars is around.

I am _so stupid, _I should have asked her earlier.

_**English, Friday, October 16**_

****Lauren offered to find me a date. So did Felix. He said that this one girl he knows has a crush on me and as far as he knows she doesn't have a date yet. He'll let me know if she'll go out with me tomorrow.

Apparently, she's nice, smart, 16, isn't a princess, and isn't infatuated with Josh Ritcher. My definition of a perfect girl.

Well, _almost_. She's missing one _huge_ detail.

She's not Mia.

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**_Sorry that was so short. I'll try to update as soon as possible. 'Till the next chapter Adios._**


	9. Happily Ever After Well sort of

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. With the exception of Lauren, Cameron Smith, and anyone else who seems unfamiliar.**

**A/N: Hola. I got the name Cameron from my niece who might be reading this story. I heard her use it and the name kind of grew on me. Anyway, this is the last chapter (YAY). I was going to write a second story but I have no idea where my book is. Does anyone know where I could maybe read the book online or something? Anyway, Thanks to everyone whoever reviewed my story. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Anyway thats pretty much it. On with the story . . .**

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_**Ch. 9 Happily Ever After (Well sort of)**_

_**1:34 a.m., Saturday, October 18**_

****Felix just called. He said that after he and Lauren had searched a bit they had found the perfect girl. Well, not perfect but pretty close.

She's a transfer student from England. She's also really hot (Felix said this) with long dirty blond hair and light green eyes. She's on the honor roll, and is thinking about joining Computer Club soon. She's also really nice, helps out at homeless shelters whenever she gets a chance, she's asked her parents that instead of giving her an allowance they donate it to a non profit organization, she's a computer genius, _hates _politics, and thinks Josh Ritcher deserves to die.

I seriously don't think I deserve that good a date. I mean she's _perfect_. _Even _Mia has her faults.

Three in particular are that she likes Josh, is a princess, and thinks of me as her ex-best friend's nerdy older brother who helps her in Algebra.Not that the last one is exactly a fault per se. I mean it's more like a fact, that happens to be creating a problem whenever it comes to me and Mia.

But no Cameron Jane Smith (that's her name) is _perfect_.

No one can be that perfect can they? So I'm suspecting she has like a sixth toe, or has a split personality and then it would be like 'Me, myself, and Irene'. Only I wouldn't end up with the girl. I guess.

I guess I'll wear my tuxedo that my mom made me wear for my cousin Steve's bar mitzvah. For the dance I mean. And with my luck I'll go and Mia will look totally beautiful (like she always does) and I'll go to the dance with a phycotic. Huh, that'll show her.

Well, It's almost 1:40 and I have to go and meet Cameron at 2:00. It takes like 20 minuets to get over to Felix's apartment where Lauren's bringing my mystery date. I'll try to contain my enthusiasm.

_**4:23 p.m., Saturday, October 18**_

****Well, it's worse than I thought. She is Perfect.

I went over to Felix's running a little late (some Hobo was convinced I was from this band called Rooney. I wish) and then was met by Lauren and this hot (my words not Felix's) tall blonde.

But, I'm not shallow, I mean just because Cameron is the hottest girl I've ever gone out with doesn't mean I like her _any _more than a friend. No the whole time we just talked about_ Buffy_ and _Xena_ (those are her two favorite shows too). I even asked her who she want to spend the rest of her life with if she had the choice of me or Josh Ritcher and _she_ said _me_. Plus she has that British accent which is a total turn on.

We laughed a lot (she was even wearing sandals so I could see if she had a sixth toe and she didn't). And we're going to go out with Lauren and Felix somewhere in the village for dinner before the dance.

But, Cameron and I would be better suited as friends. When I told Felix this after Cameron left (she had to pick up her little sister) he was all, "What how can you not want to screw her? Did you _see_ her dude? The only people that wouldn't want to do her are gay!"

Lauren, I guess got really offended and snapped, "Do _you _want to go with her Felix?"

Felix realizing the mistake he had made said, "No of course not. That's not what I meant. _Sweetie_." He added the sweety as if in an afterthought.

"That's what you said!"

"Of course I'm not attracted to her. I have _you_, honey_."_

"Well, you said, 'The only people that wouldn't want to do her are gay!' Are you saying that you're _gay?_"

I found this a perfect time to step out and after mouthing the word bye to Lauren who waved a hand as if to say 'well what are you waiting for?'

I'm not worried about them they'll make up before dinner. It's me I'm worried about how am I supposed to make _my_ date understand that I don't like her that way?

Man, only a couple more hours until I have to pick up Cameron.

_**6:10 p.m., Saturday, October 18**_

****Wow. I just saw the greatest movie ever. (Okay not the greatest, but it was pretty good)

It was about this girl who's really pretty (CoughMiaCough) and she has this best friend (CoughMeCough) who she's never really noticed before. Anyway, She goes out this complete jerk (CoughJoshRitcherCough) and she figures out after a while that she is in love with her best friend who's been in love with her forever is already dating someone else (CoughCameronCough). Blah, blah, blah, in the end the girl ends up with the best friend.

I don't really know what it was called because I only saw the last fifteen minuets of it, but the movie reminded me of what's going in my life without the fact that the girl isn't fourteen and Mia really isn't my best friend and there really is no chance of me and Mia getting together.

I wish my life was a movie.

Only twenty more minuets until I have to pick Cameron up.

_**6:40 p.m., Saturday, October 18**_

I have to leave in like two minuets.

Even though I'm totally dreading this (I like Cameron but not like that) I have to say I look _really_ good.

I'm wearing a tux, I smell like soap, and I've got my hair looking somewhat passable.

Oh crap, I have to go.

_**Early Sunday, October 19**_

****Wow.

Wow. I just had the greatest night of my life (even greater than that one time my family went on vacation when I was 14 and Lilly was 12 and we were swimming in the pool and were playing around and Lilly went and pulled this total and complete strangers swimming trunks off I guess she thought it was me and was trying to pull me under). I am not kidding.

Let me explain the night in all of its glory.

First off when I came to Cameron's apartment (Amazingly she lives in our same building I can't believe I've never noticed her before) I was pretty nervous because I didn't want her to think this was a date.

So I knock on the door and Cameron answers it looking really beautiful in this long red dress with her hair pinned up in a bun. She smiles and invites me inside. Then her parents start to ask me all these questions (i.e., Do you drink (no) Do you smoke (no) how are you getting to the dance (taxi) you know stuff like that) and after a while Cameron finally convinced her mom and dad that we had better get going it was already pretty late.

So we left and when we were on the way to The Tapras Lounge (A/N: I've never been to New York-I wish- so I just typed in restaurants in Greenwich Village and picked a restaurant at random) where we were going to meet Lauren and Felix, and then we somehow got onto the subject of school.

She said she had heard about me and Princess Mia being more than friends. I said rather quickly that I didn't know what she was talking about. That Mia and I were friends and she was my little sister ex-best friend. She kind of looked like she didn't believe me for a second then changed the subject.

So we met Lauren and Felix (who were making out when we met them) and sat down and had dinner.

Then we were finally at the dance and I kept a look out for Mia (who still hadn't come the dance had started about half-an-hour before. She was probably having the time of her life with Josh) the whole entire time while talking to Cameron. She started to get suspicious though when I didn't ask her to dance. Even at the slow ones.

"Michael, do you want to dance?" She finally asked looking at me with her green eyes shining.

"Uh, I kind of hurt my foot while I was running and I can't . . ." I trailed off as Lauren and Felix came to join us after dancing.

"Oh." Cameron said looking hurt. I started feeling really guilty by now I mean Cameron was a really fun friend. But, that's just it, a really fun _friend._

Lauren who could tell something was going on gave me a hard look. "Why don't you guys dance?" she asked.

I was expecting Cameron to tell her what I had said about my foot, because I knew that she hadn't believed me. But, she didn't.

She just smiled and said "I don't feel like it." Then when Lauren looked away whispered to me "Michael? I need to talk to you." she glanced at Lauren who was looking the other way, but staining to hear us, and Felix who reading some pamphlet he had gotten from a booth and laughing stupidly. "In er... Private."

I nodded and followed her to the least occupied corner of the room.

Then Cameron asked, "you didn't hurt your foot did you?"

I just couldn't lie to her. "No."

"You don't think of Mia as just your little sister's best friend do you?" she continued looking at me.

"No." I said a little awkwardly. I noticed it was really easy to talk to her. I had only known Cameron for a short while but I noticed it was much easier to tell her my 'secret' than it had been when I told Lauren or even Felix.

"I knew it." She muttered to herself. "Then why on earth would you have come to the dance with _me_?" She said a little angrily.

Suddenly the doors burst open and there was clicking of camera's and the faint yelling of, "Princess!"

Mia and Josh had just burst in the doors.

"Cameron looked and then said turning back to me, "Oh. I was like a last resort."

"I'm really sorry. I- Lauren and Felix kind of pushed me into it and- I wanted to make Mia jealous. I was going to ask her out but Josh beat me to it. I was desperate and- I'm sorry really." I said genuinely looking anywhere but at Mia or Cameron.

Suddenly we both heard Josh yell, "Jesus! It was just a kiss!"

Suddenly everyone was looking at Josh and Mia. The DJ had even turned off the music so we could hear the fight.

Mia whirled around and yelled, "It wasn't just a kiss. Maybe that's how you wanted it to look, like it was just a kiss. But you and I both know what it really was: A media event. And one that you've been planning since you saw me in the _Post._ Well, thank you, Josh, but I can get my own publicity. I don't need _you._"

Then Mia stormed out and after taking her journal from Lars went into the bathroom.

Then Josh tried to make it look like he hadn't just had a fight in front of most of Albert Einstein's student population and disappeared somewhere behind a large crowd of people (I did notice that Lars followed though).

Slowly the music turned on and I finally realized that that was why Josh had asked Mia out. He had wanted his fifteen minuets of fame.

"Well, I think that _he's_ out of the picture." Cameron said interrupting my thoughts. "Look, it's okay. I see some of my friends over there and you can go and talk to Mia when she comes out of the bathroom."

I looked at her surprised and opened my mouth ready to object.

"No really. Go. I'll have more fun with my friends than with you if the whole time you're going to be staring at Mia. I won't take no for an answer."

Then she gave me a small hug and walked in the direction of the Japanese Anime table.

I then decided to get a more detailed account of what had happened from Mia's friends. Which means yep I was forced to talk to_ Lilly (shudder)_.

I walked up to her and asked, "Do you know what happened?"

Lilly turned around surprised (I guess she hadn't known I was at the dance) and said, "That was what I was just about to find out. Hey- Tina." She gestured to the girl Mia had been hanging out with all week. "Come on. We have to go talk to Mia."

Tina went looking at Lilly in disbelief (I guess Lilly had always ignored Tina before) and they both went into the restroom(A/N: I know in the book it says Mr. G asked them to check on Mia but I'm changing it around a bit).

After waiting a while I went to the restroom (I had had like 5 glasses of Dr. Pepper) and when I came out I found Mia and everyone else (Mia, Lilly, Boris, Tina, her date Dave, Shameeka Allen, Allan, Ling Su, and Clifford sitting _on_ the Pakistani table. I joined them and told Mia I had no one else to really hang with (Which is true. The computer club banned the dance because Principle Gupta told them that internet isn't a culture so Lauren and I weren't even allowed to come. Lauren and Felix were off sucking face somewhere and Cameron would probably hurt me if I tried to come near her.)

So we all talked about different things and then a slow dance came on. It was the second one that had come on while Mia and I were talking and everyone else had left to go dance so I did it.

I asked Mia to dance.

And she said yes. So we got up and slow danced. We didn't say anything while we were dancing. Just moved our feet in time with the music and kept our arms around each other.

Mia smells really good. And she looked so beautiful in her dress. It was great.

So after the song ended we (Me and Mia) walked around and talked some more and every time there was a slow song on we would dance. And every time there was a fast dance on we would talk.

Then when the dance ended we all went back to our (Lilly and mine's) apartment and spent a lot of time playing End of the World until dad came in and made everyone leave (except Mia she was spending the night).

Just before Lars left though he pulled me aside. "I couldn't help but notice how friendly you and the princess got tonight." He said with laughter in his eyes.

"Well, I just think of her as a fri-"

Lars interrupted me and said, "I seem to remember your sister Lilly using the word 'libidinous' the other day? And how quiet you seemed when you learned that Josh was taking her to the dance."

I couldn't deny it when I noticed Lars gun bulging in his pocket. I nodded.

"I had a hunch." Lars said. And then he added. "Well you don't have to worry about Josh I took care of him."

Suddenly I realized why I had seen Josh earlier at the dance laying with his head down on a model of Krakatoa.

Then once everyone had gone and Mia and I were alone, I invited her into my room to show her something (I've just realized how sick that sounds)) and I played Tall Drink of Water for Mia.

I don't think she got it though.

Anyway, after a while all of us went to sleep. We were all way tired. Especially me.God, just a day ago I hated my life. I've now realized how lucky I am. Who knows maybe some day I'll go on a real date with Mia.

At this point, any things possible.

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**Wow.. I'm finally done. I hope you guys liked it. Please review if you know some solution for my missing book. Heck, review even if you have no idea what I'm talking about because you haven't read anyone of my author notes. And can you tell me who you liked better as a friend Cameron or Lauren? You'll find out in my next story why I needed to know. Anyway, I LOVE YOU ALL, and until my next story, Adios Amigo's!**


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